she lies beside me

she lies beside me
tangled in expired dreams
and pristine bedsheets.
she sleeps, stubbornly,
a question puckered
beside her cheek:
will my good deeds be
met with a cure, to this
loneliness that resides inside
of me like a cold, cellar door?
she tosses, she turns,
she kicks, she coughs,
and while i sit beside her,
contemplating my worth,
my existence, and whether i
deserve to find happiness,
i think back at her sacrifices
and weep in repentance. forgive
me mother, for i have sinned,
i shun your selfless gift in place
for guilt and my own expired pride.
i am blessed, i am cursed, i
will challenge the gates of heaven,
i will recite every hymn,
just please, please don’t ever fall asleep, looking that sad again.