bitter tears

i’ve been neglecting you, claiming that your needs
should be met, before mine, before there’s,  before his;

 i should have explained to you i was overwhelmed, 

that i was terrified to askfor help or even proclaim that i’m not fine.
were the tears bitter when you wept? 

frozen on your cheeks like sand, would it have hurt to reach up 

and brush away your name? you can’t forgive me, because
i distanced myself from you, in the pursuit of bettering myself, 

selfish or sundown, should i shatter before twilight? 

hark, i’ve gone mad with guilt. swollen with regret,

 i’m bleeding gems like a geyser.
lava stains, my fingers red, please forgive me;
i heard sins are prettier, once read. 

does my lament sound lovelier in iambic pentameter?
speak to me in italian, i’ve gone deaf from full plates 

and butterfly wings shaped like bread.