“how are you feeling?”

how are you feeling?

“i feel like I’m drowning, like I’ve been fooling myself
for these past few months. not even a quarter of the year
and I’ve already broken down twice and cried countless nights.
I’ve been pushing down these emotions so passionately
yet they have been leaking out slowly and suddenly like a dam burst.

i feel so broken inside like there was a wound
a fracture that wasn’t healed right and overtime
i breathe too deeply, love too deeply, it rips, it ruptures to
remind me of the pain. As if i ever never needed a reminder.

i wish i could go to sleep to escape these thoughts
but I’m not even tried. to be plagued by my thoughts
until my eyes tire is a crime, a crime i must bear alone.

i wanted to be better this year. i wanted to make myself proud but here i am, once again.

i want someone to care, someone to hold me when I’m upset.
to listen, to kiss my tears away, to tell me I’m loved too…just to make me feel
wanted. is it weak to admit that?

i want someone to love me so badly, that i can almost taste it.
i want to be able to trust a man so wholeheartedly, i want such erroneous
things that can come to sour on tongue.”