How can I tell you how I feel?
I am afraid, frightened, terrified
at the thought of
losing the chance to know you-
to allow you to see the real me.
Excuses, excuses
run rapidly through my jigsaw
puzzle of a head-
finding the smallest of flaws
to cause the slightest of doubts.
Is it self-destructive-
I have built myself up,
a tall, imposing skyscraper,
foundation that was once cracked
and deteriorating,
Is now prime and sturdy-
Architecture modern with a twist of old-fashioned –
I stood tall on my island surrounded by
smooth ripples of waves,
Statuesque and Unique-
I am worried that this fine work
and steadfast and thought out blueprints
were wasted
as I see a storm coming
my way.
A storm can either destroy
or challenge to see if you are ready for the real shit.
Are you the entity that will push my limits?
Should I be afraid of your power over me
or should I pursue it head on-
no holding back as I face the eye of the storm?
But how will you react when you
break me down
and see the cracks
that even the most trained masters
cannot cover up?
The fissures, the cracks, the scars
run deep-
How do I start?
Where do I begin?
It’s not as simple as it seems-
You can’t throw cement on the ruined parts,
easily smoothening it out
without a passing thought.
For my cracks to heal,
it will take time and patience-
Patience that will test you,
Confuse you most of the time
Frustrate you 24/7,
But I promise you,
it will all be worth it.
For I am amazing,
not to brag-
Just speaking the truth.
And maybe I will find the girl
I had lost when peer pressure and stupidity
took her way from me-
I miss her every day-
Those healthy brown eyes
and the smile without a stitch of scorn-
Will she accept the woman I have become
And will I ever forgive the girl I once was?
I hope you know that I thought of you
as I tossed and turned
as the red lights blinked 2:57.
Mecca-Amirah Jackson 