I wrote this a few years ago and have revised it!
A love that was immature, ruthless, toxic,
A union built on festering lies, drunken advances, innocent ventures, and skilled fingers,
We promised honesty, but lies became our vice of choice.
It started off small- flimsy white lies,
Redirecting the conversation, confident eyes and lust in abundance,
What was a young girl to do,
When she’s told “you’re the one” ?
Like a house of cards,
There’s an asshole who will want to knock it down-
The cards will fall one by one, twirling as they show their blank, lifeless faces;
Lies stack and stack, reality becoming fantasy, and tears fall too readily.
We used to whisper words of “love”,
Not the mature kind-
The cozy Sunday evenings, reading by the fireplace, kisses on your neck, and the warm, warm feeling, this knowing, that your are safe, you are forgiven, you are no longer alone in the world–
No longer alone in the cold, cruel world,
A sunburnt smile, familiar eyes anchoring you as you take the world on-
But the unfortunate kind where we imitate what we see on TV, 50’s movies, diner dashes, and milkshakes and fries dates-
Promises were hastily murmured,
Forming a bond that no source could sever,
Until, until it was too late-
We both broke promises, promises that held like fragile, transparent glass,
I told you that I would never leave-
Would be there to hold you as you pursued, conquered
While I settled in the past tense, becoming the woman who waits and cries.
But, but, but
You told me that you would never hurt me again-
Promises passionately muttered over the phone, screen warm with slick, wet tears-
(and never make me cry….)
You told me I was your princess,
A possession on a wobbling pedestal, kept pristine, cleaned daily until I gleaned,
But an angel came down and showed me another life, possibilities, hope, hope, hope…
I guess I lied too when I said I would never leave-
But who is truly to blame, love and war and all that,
the victor is the one who stands tall at the end…