Of course I want to find love
and all the gooey emotions that come
along with it. But because I want it,
does not mean I am willing to settle for less.
Yes, loneliness is my biggest fear,
but I refuse to SETTLE because I
miss the intimate touch of another.
Love is…difficult and trying.
On the worst days, it’s a thunderstorm
that rages and you are outside
bare and your head tilted back as the elements
over take you.On the best days,
it is as if the cruelties of the Earth
are hushed and love is all you need
to survive.
To take in Love, is to learn to fully accept
yourself. All the bullshit and the words
that convinced you were OKAY,
will be tested and you realize you never
truly knew yourself in the first place.
You know when you have a scar
that has faded with time but continues
to linger on your skin–a dark, vengeful mark
that refuses to truly fade? Well, that scar
will be sliced open and truths will be gouged
out of the weeping wound
whether you are ready or not. A most of the time,
you are not.
Spill the truth from your lips like
tea. Soak up the past with your tongue.
Lick the remnants of self-doubt.
Suckle on spare elements of self-love,
and you will begin to understand the truth.
My biggest fear has always been located in a room.
Black, emo walls, dripping with silence,
a firm carpet that feels like small hands
grabbing at my feet; this room is pitch-dark
and hushed like a nightmare. I am alone in this room
and in that moment, I wonder if my screams will be
heard in the dark.
Is there another being with me in this room?
Is there a way out?
I will never know.
A budding fear plagues my dwindling sanity
as I truly realize that I am ALONE.
I am in the room now but luckily,
as time passes by and I my fears are tested,
Love will guide me to the light,
wrench open the door,
knock down the walls,
and save me from this weight of loneliness.
Mecca-Amirah Jackson 