goodbye

it pains me to think this,
write this, but i have decided
to part with you. leave you
behind in my vivid fantasies
because as the days stretch
long and inviting, nights
sleepless with longing,
you are devastating me.

it’s not your fault,
of course. you never knew
the consequences of your smile
but i bleed each time you
love her. i ache. i hurt.
a chasm of pain ripples
wide and gaping; in those moments,
as i see you smile at her,
admire her, i die a little bit inside.

you have the ability to undue me,
but you also lacked the drive to save me.

you birthed lovely things
within me. my garden never
appeared so lush, so shiny, so healthy
when you entered my life.

I will never forget
the joy that came to me
when i made you smile.

i will never forget the poems i
wrote for you, in the guise
of it penned for another.

i will never forget that
you were the muse that inspired
me to find others like you.

i will never forget you,
because you hurt me more
than he did, in less than a few months.

was it the way you saw through me
that makes this feel like a betrayal?

how dare you see me for me
than choose another?
how dare you make me feel
like i am finally understood
then walk away like
you never noticed what we could have had.

goodbye; you were a danger to my mental health.
you were the one who made me dream
such luscious dreams, my god, such intricate things
that was the ink to my pen, the strike
of flint to my flame; you goaded me to
forget about the pain and embrace the light.
but you scared me too. you hurt me so much, in so little
time. i haven’t felt like that in years yet you
came in and shook me. shook me
so hard that i fled away.

goodbye; goodbye’s are so hard
because even as i turn away
and curse your eyes, your smile,
your laugh, there will always be the
lingering doubt that there could have been more…

@amateur_poet