she was nothing like me.

she was nothing like me. // pages 34-35

she was nothing like me.

she was nothing like me–
everything that wasn’t me.
i’m not sure if i’m sobbing or screaming.

|thinner than me. smaller. softer. paler. |

she brought out the worst in me. a side of me i rarely see.
rarely let breathe.

and now, she’s all i see.

i can’t sleep at night
knowing she’s the antithesis of me.

|you want her more than me, and it’s killing me. |

images of you and her—
on your knees, spreading her lips,
lapping at her, devouring her with your mouth, while i’m clenching my fists.

|grinding my teeth. plotting. |

i bet she makes sounds you like. urges you on.
spurs you forward.

a round of applause. a standing ovation.

she gives a lot— doesn’t she? never demands, just says please.

more.

begs.

always ready on her knees, so eager. i bet you like that–
the readiness.

fingers searching for answers without needing their questions.

she must soak your hand—
sleeves drenched.
you never need to do much to get her wet.

it’s a little easy—isn’t it?

this pleasure you seek. you don’t need to try— you just be.

it will never be like that with me i’m the match and the gasoline. with the flicker of heat, i combust.

i’m all-consuming; overpowering,
pleasure so poignant you swear you were blind before you met me.

|i demand. i choke.

i’m all eye-contact. |

i can see why you didn’t choose me—

i’m not for the weak.

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