Balanced

i feel balanced–it’s strange, but not unwelcome.

i am used to feeling too much, my glass always spilling on the sides,

or nothing at all, a numbness that penetrates my teeth, toes,

a hollow echoing. but now, i’m lucid. i feel, at a distance. i can think clearly.

the well of creativity is deeper than before but i won’t stop digging,

grasping until fingertips are wet with magic. i feel like coasting on rapids;

my boat jerks and spins but my lifejacket is secure.

hands grasp at the edge but they always pull back empty.

i sacrificed a lot to be here–content– and i will never regret it.

the friends lost, relationships severed, too much alone time until i offended

everyone even though i was doing right, because in the end, it’s me against the universe.

me versus a spray of meteor showers, intergalactic, no gravity. i’m ecstatic.